Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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