Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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