if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
