you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
