people are starting to question the shark bite story
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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