puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
