Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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