I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
