So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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