Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
