I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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