Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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