Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
