i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
