Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
