My liver just broke up with me...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
