i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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