I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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