you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
