Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
