i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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