True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
