Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
