I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
