he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
