So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
