we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
