They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
