Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
