U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
