and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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