Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What a dumb baby whore.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
