I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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