I wish I could teleport
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The struggles of a small town man whore
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
