It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
