this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Two words: blizzard sex
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
