There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
did i just pee glitter
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
