I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
