I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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