you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
