Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
