I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
