here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
