dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
