Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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