I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
