You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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