On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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