Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It's Friday. Sex?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always time for handjobs
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize