How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
