home. puking in laundry basket.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
