I need help removing her.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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