We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
