My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
