I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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