Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
