At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
