I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
