i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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