I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it glows. i had to have it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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