If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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