Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize