he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
