I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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