if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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