So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
