Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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