i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
