i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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