btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
