we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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