Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
